Psychologist warns couples they could

Psychologist Dr. Mark Travers has cautioned couples against using a particular phrase during arguments that he believes signals deeper problems in a relationship. Writing for CNBC Make It, Travers, a Cornell University graduate who specializes in relationship psychology, said many couples he sees in therapy often fall into a harmful pattern of comparison. The phrase “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”—though it may seem harmless in the moment—is actually damaging, according to Travers, because it undermines a partner’s sense of worth and implies they aren’t good enough.

He emphasized that the identity of the person being compared to is irrelevant, whether it’s an ex, a friend’s partner, or a former version of the person. What matters is the emotional impact—such comparisons create insecurity and erode trust. Travers advises couples to instead reflect on what they truly want from their partner and communicate that with empathy and honesty. Relationships thrive, he says, when both people are accepted as real and imperfect individuals, not when one is pressured to live up to someone else’s image.